already | not yet

it's a paradox, the "now-ness" of the future.

at church today, it was described in context of the kingdom of heaven - this promise of positive change, and the hopes that we hold for both now and later, which holds true in a way that is applicable and yet larger than life.

growing up, i knew nothing about a world outside of my own. God was God, belief was belief, and my faith was one of childlike innocence/naivete. then i started seeing the world as it is, and i needed to figure everything out all over again on my own. it became more about the action than the belief -- who i wanted to become, what i wanted to embody, and what to do about the things i don't understand. i neither wanted to live in oblivion of reality, nor did i want to live hating things out of ignorance.

these were huge reasons for my moving to san francisco. not only was i afraid of becoming complacent in a sweet, sheltered suburban lifestyle, but i also could not miss out on an opportunity to challenge myself.

my future is not just ahead of me, but it's also right in front of me.

i can't be waiting for it to happen, because it's already happening;

i can't settle with right now, because it's still unfolding.

[man. that's heavy... it's been on my mind all day]

"if you think you have it half-figured out, you're all the way wrong"

-dave lomas

anyway. realitysf was an amazing experience: a new church service taking place at an awesome location (the swedish american hall), a message that tackles the bigger questions in a very real way, a gathering that feeds the soul.

so often i just want to leave a lasting impression with others, be certain of my purpose, and love people. it's nice to be reminded that the biggest impact i am making is on myself, and that there is something so much bigger than me in control.

i saw a tweet that really stuck with me from a close friend of mine:

My life is more f*ed up than ever, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Does that mean I'm a crazy person?

to which i responded:

it means you're human and you're embracing the imperfections that make life beautiful. <3

...who says we're supposed to be perfect and have it all together?