borrowing & sharing

being on my own since 2nd year in college has taught me a few survival techniques:
learning time and again how to budget my $ wisely, efficient laundry techniques for a month's worth of clothing, and namely, the gift of a borrowed family.

and as it goes, what is borrowed must be returned,

so i hope this counts

as me giving back.

i like to think that my value for family is because of the significance of my parents and siblings while i was growing up, but i must acknowledge also that the fascination can very well be attributed to my 4+ years in sociological studies of group behavior, cultures, and [of course] families.

borrowing family is not about spending (or NOT spending) the holidays alone; it's one thing to spend time with friends, but another to have someone share their family with you -- in that moment, you are not only experiencing the company of a support system, but also gaining insight from different perspectives on what fundamentally ties people and beliefs together.

i love how a simple conversation can lead to a profound realization of how God's plan works, how blessings come unexpectedly, and how timing can be most perfect when you just let it be.

between christmas and new years, i was able to catch my mom in san gabriel before she flew back home and spend some quality girl time with her and my sister (who, btw, always has amazing thoughts along her journey as a new parent with the 2 kids). and, as always, i walked home after eating with them a little wiser, a lot more trusting, and completely encouraged.
that, to me, is what i look forward to when spending time with a family other than my own. it's not about the company of other people, but the connection that is shared. it's that sense of belonging, of a past&future, and of support

(i'm totally overthinking this, that's why it's starting to become jumbled up)

so, segue:

with the new year comes room for growth, and lessons in trust and patience.
last year was '2009, time to shine'. and i think i can say that it happened.
i learned a lot about responsibility [stewardship], patience [love], and change [life].
moving to san francisco was really about me embracing challenges and becoming self-sufficient; moving here meant moving onto my future. it took a few months for me to realize that i was being held back by my own vices, and to fully become who i wanted to become, i needed to step back and see the big picture, instead of holding onto a fear of looking like a fool.

when reflecting at church today, i realized that this year has kicked off in an awesome way.
i'm learning patience: letting it be means experiencing the reward of knowing when i'm meant to know, instead of when i'm asking to know; it means that there is a reason things aren't meant to be rushed, and yesterday, it also meant that my car would be sold in a completely honest manner without any pushing or begging, at a nice compromise.
i'm learning to trust: because things will happen as they should. and that all goes hand in hand with being patient. it's about realizing that the unexpected can [eventually] bring me to something better than i could take credit for, if i just trust that it's all part of the perfect plan.
i'm learning about love: trying to love other people has kept me from loving myself (cliche, i know), and i know that taking care of myself first will enable my heart and mind to grow so that i can give my love to a fuller extent.

i have some amazing people in my life right now, it's no wonder i love where i am today.
and i'm learning that balance
of making and keeping quality friends
and the value of my close friends across the miles,
instead of feeling the need to make new acquaintances all over the place.

i hope this all made sense. i can't believe i've been trying to put this [my thoughts] together for over 2 hours.
comments are appreciated!!

all that time I wasted is now
all Im making up
and its mine, oh its mine
now i'm not so scared of what i want
theres a freedom in just being me
and i'm flying, oh i'm flying

i cant hold back
i'm breaking out the gates & screaming

give me back my voice again
give me back my self
give me back my love again
i wanna give it to someone else
i will not calm down I wont be nice
now, give me back
-kina.grannis