hearts will hold [details in the fabric]

maybe it's the weather, or this city, or the new year
that puts me in a very reflective place.

(or this perfect combination of sun & clouds on a saturday morning)

what are you afraid of?
when it comes to life and love, i think everyone is afraid of something.
some people are afraid of commitment, of getting attached, of getting hurt,
of loving and being loved.
and for the longest time, i didn't understand it.
i gave freely to those around me
- my love, affection, time, and consideration.

i wore my heart on my sleeve.
i still do.

and i believed that every experience is worthwhile,
that every mistake is a lesson learned,
and it all culminates to create character.

i still believe it,
kind of...

but i suppose, in a jaded way, these experiences have taught me about taking my heart off my sleeve, building my character in a way that creates independence and the freedom in being me.
my fear lies in making the wrong gamble. my sacrifices, vulnerability, consideration turning around and making a fool of me.
[that probably explains why i have a difficult time being patient and accepting that i need to wait, to know where i stand in the eyes and mind of another. that same impatience has led to impulsive decisions that created short-term solutions and temporary gratification.]

so all this time has been an ongoing lesson and reflection on living in the present instead of dreaming about the future.
of building & cultivating supportive/affirmative relationships,
taking advantage of opportunities for character growth,
and taking wise risks that will create something meaningful in the long run.

if it's a broken part, replace it

if it's a broken arm then brace it

if it's a broken heart then face it

are the details in the fabric (hold your own)

are the things that make you panic (know your name)
are your thoughts results of static cling? (go your own way)
and everything will be fine
everything
in no time at all
hearts will hold

this is not just tea, but a cup of wisdom.
"travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light"

ps.

[jan 18]

we just celebrated lambo's 2nd birthday
during a mini-vacation in fairfield

sneaky september

hello, september.
you snuck up on me.

it has been a LONG time since i last posted.
a lot has happened.

it seems that, whenever i'm at my parent's house in vancouver(washington), i have a nice window of opportunity to catch up on my blogging, photo editing, yelp reviewing, whatnot.
and i'm taking it.

i have been everywhere.

a few weekends ago, justin wanted to take me down to SD for a getaway
we went to the races in del mar and checked out la jolla.

i was able to make it to my aunt's funeral in vancouver BC, but not without my signature misadventure -- this time it was my passport.
i had somehow, along the way, forgotten that prior to going to new zealand, i got a new passport.
so when this trip came along and i was reminded to bring my passport, i located and packed it, neglecting to check the expiration date.
once at the airport, i decided to check the expiration, just in case.
2004. wtf? i had 2 passports floating around amongst my belongings?
and omg my picture was so old.
so i called justin. he went into an apartment-searching frenzy. nothing.
[i found out my flight would be delayed - multiple times, forcing pretty much the entire plane to be missing their connecting flights. luckily, us airways rebooked me onto a direct flight to seattle. so i was freaking out at john wayne for about 3 hours.]
i texted lex. she was at work until 11. after work, she told sam, and they told laura.
THEY went into an apartment-searching frenzy.
[and in the meantime, my brother had looked through the remainder of my stuff at his house,
and my mom had ransacked the suitcase i had left with her. nothing.]
by this time, i had given up. i wouldn't be making the wedding, but at the very least i would stay at my cousin alan's place in seattle, borrow will's car, and scout the city for a weekend of exploration when justin came up for his first time.
2am - lex calls me. THEY FOUND MY RECENT, non-expired PASSPORT!!
*relief* - at not having to pay $200+ for an expedited renewal, or $200+ for an earlier return ticket, or being left behind and not going to the funeral.
my roommates rock.

the funeral was an opportunity for the cousins on my mom's side to be reunited, to catch up, and see all the kids of the younger generation playing together.
my canadian cousins took us, the american cousins (alan, my brother, and myself) canadian bowling. 5-pin, with a smaller ball. i was terrible. but we had a great time, and that was my short, sweet, impromptu, misadventurous northwest trip.


then there was vegas.
great people, new friends (and some old ones that i finally got to party with), good times.
i am so thankful to have had the chance to meet so many of justin's friends and actually have meaningful conversations with a handful of them. they're not only a huge bundle of fun together but also genuine, down(downdown...) individuals. (see also: walle's world)

[photo credit: christine.coates]

i got to use my new canond10 underwater camera and it WAS all it's made out to be.
i love that thing.



upon returning to socal, my roommates convinced me to go to the SD zoo with them
and in honor of us all leaving (my last hurrah),
lex&sam treated us to free admission with their memberships! <3 size="2">[more pictures from my dSLR coming later]

and last but not least, a picture of lambo. he's the best.

+pictures of NWadventures (seattle, portland, SF) coming next[preview]

+looking forward to watching the timetraveler'swife w/vix!
+love, starfish <3>

current location: Pasadena, CA 91105

trivia fact: i've now officially moved 4 times in the past 8 months.

i moved to Pasadena today, into my brother's house to live with him + jeannie for awhile.
i'm on a job hunt - my future location and direction will primarily be based on whether or not i get a full-time job out here.

but anyhow, thanks to will, i kind of like LA. i had an encounter with venice, and it was beautiful.



the move took 2 carloads and a few hours of loading. (ONLY a few... mike thinks i'm a moving pro now... i'd rather not think about it)




my new room... with my new damage... haha
i'm working on it!



but while i'm here, what i REALLY want is to catch up with old friends.
being in orange county really is kind of a bubble... i'm only an hour away but i've been so bad with keeping in touch with people.

today was a good start. kevin, betty, fiona, ellen, and wendy are some people i'm both blessed and happy to have in my life again. can't wait to spend more time with the girls! <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8GWHGcIvcioLQFWfhhZ6bRREFLghT0jQWoJUYjUbXUXu77hLhit7m808tH5xyKWVNRo9t7jBo6OBeViu_K3dJwIe_ZiQDQHWRI4hn1mgDx3fboicCtpO_wvZ8FN6LEcFVvq48O7zT2TA/s1600-h/IMG_3088.JPG">
lambo's got a pommelo hat.