borrowing & sharing

being on my own since 2nd year in college has taught me a few survival techniques:
learning time and again how to budget my $ wisely, efficient laundry techniques for a month's worth of clothing, and namely, the gift of a borrowed family.

and as it goes, what is borrowed must be returned,

so i hope this counts

as me giving back.

i like to think that my value for family is because of the significance of my parents and siblings while i was growing up, but i must acknowledge also that the fascination can very well be attributed to my 4+ years in sociological studies of group behavior, cultures, and [of course] families.

borrowing family is not about spending (or NOT spending) the holidays alone; it's one thing to spend time with friends, but another to have someone share their family with you -- in that moment, you are not only experiencing the company of a support system, but also gaining insight from different perspectives on what fundamentally ties people and beliefs together.

i love how a simple conversation can lead to a profound realization of how God's plan works, how blessings come unexpectedly, and how timing can be most perfect when you just let it be.

between christmas and new years, i was able to catch my mom in san gabriel before she flew back home and spend some quality girl time with her and my sister (who, btw, always has amazing thoughts along her journey as a new parent with the 2 kids). and, as always, i walked home after eating with them a little wiser, a lot more trusting, and completely encouraged.
that, to me, is what i look forward to when spending time with a family other than my own. it's not about the company of other people, but the connection that is shared. it's that sense of belonging, of a past&future, and of support

(i'm totally overthinking this, that's why it's starting to become jumbled up)

so, segue:

with the new year comes room for growth, and lessons in trust and patience.
last year was '2009, time to shine'. and i think i can say that it happened.
i learned a lot about responsibility [stewardship], patience [love], and change [life].
moving to san francisco was really about me embracing challenges and becoming self-sufficient; moving here meant moving onto my future. it took a few months for me to realize that i was being held back by my own vices, and to fully become who i wanted to become, i needed to step back and see the big picture, instead of holding onto a fear of looking like a fool.

when reflecting at church today, i realized that this year has kicked off in an awesome way.
i'm learning patience: letting it be means experiencing the reward of knowing when i'm meant to know, instead of when i'm asking to know; it means that there is a reason things aren't meant to be rushed, and yesterday, it also meant that my car would be sold in a completely honest manner without any pushing or begging, at a nice compromise.
i'm learning to trust: because things will happen as they should. and that all goes hand in hand with being patient. it's about realizing that the unexpected can [eventually] bring me to something better than i could take credit for, if i just trust that it's all part of the perfect plan.
i'm learning about love: trying to love other people has kept me from loving myself (cliche, i know), and i know that taking care of myself first will enable my heart and mind to grow so that i can give my love to a fuller extent.

i have some amazing people in my life right now, it's no wonder i love where i am today.
and i'm learning that balance
of making and keeping quality friends
and the value of my close friends across the miles,
instead of feeling the need to make new acquaintances all over the place.

i hope this all made sense. i can't believe i've been trying to put this [my thoughts] together for over 2 hours.
comments are appreciated!!

all that time I wasted is now
all Im making up
and its mine, oh its mine
now i'm not so scared of what i want
theres a freedom in just being me
and i'm flying, oh i'm flying

i cant hold back
i'm breaking out the gates & screaming

give me back my voice again
give me back my self
give me back my love again
i wanna give it to someone else
i will not calm down I wont be nice
now, give me back
-kina.grannis

[connecting]

this whole past week has been full of connections made, in all aspects of the word.

connections with people,

connections with new things,

and connections with perspectives.

it's definitely nice to be young... just knowing that i still have time to do take opportunities for things i'm passionate about as they come is reassuring.

anyway.. here we go. the photos.

bittersweet fun @ discovery center =)

caught up with koichi at the olde dubliner @ the district
good friends, good drinks, GOOD TIMESme, koichi, laura, dan, and alex mar!



i finally connected with the game of golf.
which needed to happen, after working at tustin ranch golf club for almost a year!
and as said in the alchemist, it might have been beginner's luck, because i had a GREAT time, did pretty well, and i'm hooked.

laura and me

we had the party cart complete with music and pink caddies

(although neither of us are pink people)

and we had SO much fun playing -- probably because we don't play by the rules ;)

it's spring! momma + baby ducks

brand new club rentals... thanks steve watson


our cart + the boys' cart


my awesome boss (f&b director @ tustin ranch) jeff, was super awesome and gave me+laura a $100 gift certificate for Scott's in Costa Mesa.
It was BEAUTIFUL. food, service, and overall experience were amazing.

it was a celebratory dinner for laura's promotion to Special Event Manager
and my [pending] promotion to full-time Events Coordinator.

my industry rocks.
tonight we were invited to an open house/meet&greet @ house of blues in anaheim
free drinks, food, and even tickets to the mary mary concert tonight!
we gave our tix away but had an awesome time networking with a few very cool people
+my business card got picked in a drawing! i won 2 tix to any HoB show and a HoB pint glass. =)

managers @ tustin ranch (minus brian).

_life is good. l♥ve it.

simple truth [beautiful mess]

this beautiful mess is still here
and 'it's nice to say
that we played in the dirt all day'
-jason mraz


there's no lies,
no wondering, or questions, or what-if's.
just the simple truth
that maybe, you're meant to grow apart
that you need to let go
to be honest with the things you've discovered
you now need.

it's a bittersweet yet comforting feeling, to know that we're on the exact same page.
that we are thinking the same thing, drawn to the same concepts,
and needing to get there completely different ways.
we've learned so much, grown so much, and now it's time to grow in some different soil.
it's a new adventure


just like the rest of my life.

i moved back into the woodbridge apt. i live in the living room now,

and i hang out with laura all the time.

plus lex and sam
the afghan the wannabe rapper. who also has a grown-up fort.. in the dining area.
it's good times. most of the time.

my birthday was awesome.
girl time was much needed, and all of us totally bonded over the weekend, talking about relationships, goals, traveling, and life.
after graduating college, i've started to realize how important it is to maintain friendships -- and unlike college itself, your friends are no longer defaulted by what organizations, classes, or activities you're involved in, but they are instead people who know who you are now, understand who you want to become, and have maybe known you in a different time. there's something about it that just makes you feel grounded and gives you the ability to candidly be yourself in any situation or conversation.
after 5 years in college, i've taken my experiences and found that i somehow have gravitated back to old friends that i've discovered have grown in similar ways as i. and it's nice that, ironically, as far as i've come from jr high and high school, and even earlier years of college, i'm as close as ever to them.
i'm not sure if that made much sense.
so here are some pictures from vegas!

first, our little misadventure... poor fiona's car w/ busted turbo :(

we got to vegas at 5am

eap new zealand girls <3 a very awesome birthday boy
thanks ken!

that's us. girls night out!

hotel preparty shot

i'm so thankful for these 3... they're so important to me <3 style="text-align: left;">
and laura took me to TUNATOWN on main st huntington beach!
that place was freakin awesome
but i got jipped on my bday dessert! stupid chef was a pervert. haha

+you and i both.

love in paper form

[things i've realized from my paper past]

In preparation for this impending move, i finally shut myself in my room and tackled two sterilite shoeboxes that have been sitting around with my collection of notes, cards, and sentimental stuff.
(if anybody has a thing for stationary, i have a nice stack that you can have)
this all came in perfect timing, these little bits of love in a box.


a note that i came across was from someone i was really close with in jr high and through hs until she moved.
i was so naiive and sheltered at this time that i never realized the significance of the world around us. i read this last night and was surprised at how much i agree with it now, 6 years later, and didn't even think anything of it back then.

it said, "i really hope i get to go back to cali, before we all go off to college; i don't think i'll be attending school there, because i've my mind set on going somewhere else. it's experience that counts, and i don't want to be staying in one place for too long. there's so much to see out there, and when you travel, i hope you look up at the big world and say, "Life is beautiful"

(thanks christy)



these little pieces of paper showed me how much i've changed, grown, and how lucky i was to have certain people around me.

my grandmother sent me a birthday card every year, in chinese, so i never knew what they said but they mean the world to me still.

i had a stack of notes from high school, when all the girls would write to each other about nothing at all, on super fobby stationary and that was life.






i kept in touch with few people in high school, and while it's kind of a bittersweet feeling to look back and know that i left some people behind, i think it helped me to move on from that stage in my life and become more independent.
the ones that keep in contact with me are amazing and supportive (i don't think i appreciate them enough) and they, too, have grown into amazing people.



this was on written on my dorm door before he disappeared for 3 years haha


a lot of my transition into college was influenced by going to spop



and then a lot of who i am today was influenced by being a spop staffer.









Aldor[m] experience was.... interesting, to say the least.
i learned a lot, and grew up a lot too. lost some friends, and grew some more.
being in ASuci was another way i wanted to be involved, and i think it really fit my post-spop college life at the time.





i really have come a long way and accomplished a lot throughout the 4.25 years of my college career. every single thing has been an experience that has built me to who i am today and although my parents may think that i'm troubled, i think i turned out ok.



the full collection of scans can be viewed on my flickr.
<3